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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Advertisement Campaigns That Clearly Hate Their Customers

Commercials are supposed to endear a product to a customer base. But every now and then an advertising agency just decides to sail into the wind and forge their own path. That sometimes leads to incredible, edgy campaigns. Then there are those times when it just seems like maybe they just hated who they were supposed to be selling to.

These are those advertisements.


Who buys apparel at nflshop.com? Apparently guys with boundary issues who have turned sweaty jerseys into some sort of fetish fuel. Here we see him first badger Stephen Jackson for his game jersey then turn his attention to acquiring Arian Foster's hat while ruining NFL Network's field reporter Alex Flanagan's attempt at an interview. Though having seen her real interviews I tend to think a random man interrupting things would be an improvement.

Not addressed in the ad itself is that this man clearly has some form of psychic projection ability which he apparently only chooses to use by talking to NFL players about their clothes. I'm thinking that is a terrible waste.

There's another version of this ad where our sweaty apparel collector defends himself by noting that he's "got lots of stuff to do." I'm not sure that really improves things.

Of course NFLSHOP has a history of this. There is another ad, not viewable online, where a man in the shower wants to show off his own recent purchase and only strategic pixelation saves the whole thing from landing him on an FBI watch list.

However there is this earlier commercial where we learn that all that stands between some couples breaking up and relationship bliss is the fit of their NFL brand name jerseys. Not even billionaire bad contract addict Dan Snyder is immune as he gets his bad news in a restaurant.

Doritos: Now With Crack Cocaine!

Speaking of people with boundary issues. How would you like to share your workspace with this guy with his clearly debilitating Doritos addiction? I'm almost disappointed that they didn't have a follow up ad with an incredulous judge being forced to declare a restraining order against this man by his coworkers over his fondness of Doritos cheese dust.

Wheat Thins: They'll Make You Insane

Or at least make you a puppet. I have to give this one props for being original. It takes guts to try and exploit the visage of mental illness and being unable to eat at the same time. I'm not really sure how this advertisement happened. I'm guessing at some point an advertisement executive remembered with some fondness Sesame Street and that lovable Cookie Monster. This ad basically exams what might have actually become of Cookie Monster had he ever tried to come to terms with the fact that as much as he loves his cookies he cannot eat them. Because he's only a piece of cloth with a hand up his backside.
Velveeta Shells & Cheese: Aim Low In Your Admiration

There are people we all look up to. Who that is that you look up to varies from person to person. Personally I look up to mathematicians because I suck at math and what they do might as well be wizardry as far as I'm concerned.

But Velveeta decided that the people who consume their Shells & Cheese admire a different sort. They decided that their customers admiration extended not only to people who have accomplished great things but to people who have accomplished extraordinarily mundane things. Things like using a ham radio. Driving a limo. Or flying helicopters at the mall.

You know, the kind of things that you'd admire if you were presently living in a discarded refrigerator box.

Mountain Dew: Goat, Criminal, Beater Of Women

I'll let you decide if this is saying their product makes you a goat, a criminal, an abuser of women or just racist.

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