A long time ago I was given some good advice by a wandering gypsy...or a very hirsute postal worker...it was one of the two. Look, the important thing was this person existed...maybe, and did talk to me...perhaps.
Anyways this perhaps not real person of unknown providence imparted to me the following:
1) Get rick quick schemes involving yak fur are scams
2) Never shoot off a gun while inside an air lock
3) Blood covered clowns who speak with the voice of screaming children are terrible cat sitters
4) Detergent can effectively neutralize the Ebola virus
5) Never try to convince selfish people into parting with their money
Now, while the first three items have served me well multiple times over the course of my zany life, the fourth one was less useful and the last item of advice always seemed a bit too esoteric to ever be applicable to me.
Pope Francis, on the other hand, could have used an encounter with the same fever dream induced, wandering hairy person hallucination I had.
And so we find ourselves the current situation with a right wing that doesn't know if it wants to like Catholicism or not.
Socialists don't believe in personal responsibility? I must have missed that. I also missed all the bits in the New Testament where Jesus callously laughed while counting money as children died from defects in a product he produces. You know, like what happens with unfettered capitalism. The kind Pope Francis doesn't like.
Anyways. On the one hand the right wing knows that the Catholic Church is big on hating women and creating huge swaths of crushing poverty that can then be exploited by giant corporate interests. But with a Pope that seems to hate inequality....well what to do?
The answer, of course, is to instead focus on embassies.
"What?" You might ask.
Yeah, it seems that the United States State Department is consolidating its embassy for the Vatican with the one for Italy because they are both in Rome and someone at some point realized how incredibly freaking stupid it is to have a dedicated embassy to a pretend nation state ruled by a theocratic "girls not allowed" club of boys in costumes.
And so we get to a new edition of
SPOT THE POE!
Thanks to the ever crazy radicals over at Free Republic I offer up the following quotes regarding this embassy move which they blame on Obama himself. Some are real and some are fictional.
See if you differentiate real crazy from the fake ones.
1) "Satans minion just doing what minions do"
2) "The Clown hates: Christianity, the Constitution, and (free market) Capitalism."
3) "In ways of evil and destruction, I think Obama is extremely bright. After all, look at the damage he has done to the greatest country in the world...he has brought us to our knees militarily, economically, and diplomatically without firing a single shot at us."
4) "How much more does he need to do in his attempt to destroy America and Christianity before people see him for what he is and rise up and fight for the side of goodness and God?"
5) "I have said this many times before all across the web. Obama is an anti-Christ he works for Satan. He is evil to his festering core. Everything he does is against God and his word. Obama knows exactly what he is doing. He is a Moslem. All those who cannot understand why he behaves the way he does will not wrap their heads around these eternal facts. Christians know the end times are here and evil will get alot worse, Obama is a major part of this process."
6) "Obama’s relationship to the United States often reminds me of an abusive husband whose contempt for his wife displays itself in a long string of exquisitely petty meanness, hatred for who she is and determination to destroy her."
7) "The next 3 years are going to be absolutely horrendous as obozo goes full scorched earth. We will never recover from the damage he will inflict in the next 3 years. Never"
8) "He has 3 agendas:
1. Destroy the US from within.
2. Empower and spread radical Islam.
3. Play golf.
He’s a foreign enemy agent in the nations highest office, everyone in Washington knows it but nobody’s got the balls to do anything about it, to start impeachment proceedings so he keeps on following his agenda religiously. And just think: We have THREE more years of this!"
Did you make your guess?
It was the fourth one. That was it. All the rest are freaking real.
Anyways this perhaps not real person of unknown providence imparted to me the following:
1) Get rick quick schemes involving yak fur are scams
2) Never shoot off a gun while inside an air lock
3) Blood covered clowns who speak with the voice of screaming children are terrible cat sitters
4) Detergent can effectively neutralize the Ebola virus
5) Never try to convince selfish people into parting with their money
Now, while the first three items have served me well multiple times over the course of my zany life, the fourth one was less useful and the last item of advice always seemed a bit too esoteric to ever be applicable to me.
Pope Francis, on the other hand, could have used an encounter with the same fever dream induced, wandering hairy person hallucination I had.
And so we find ourselves the current situation with a right wing that doesn't know if it wants to like Catholicism or not.
"Jesus spoke to the individual, never to government or government policy. Jesus was a capitalist, preaching personal responsibility, not a socialist."
-Virginia Tea Party
Socialists don't believe in personal responsibility? I must have missed that. I also missed all the bits in the New Testament where Jesus callously laughed while counting money as children died from defects in a product he produces. You know, like what happens with unfettered capitalism. The kind Pope Francis doesn't like.
Anyways. On the one hand the right wing knows that the Catholic Church is big on hating women and creating huge swaths of crushing poverty that can then be exploited by giant corporate interests. But with a Pope that seems to hate inequality....well what to do?
The answer, of course, is to instead focus on embassies.
"What?" You might ask.
Yeah, it seems that the United States State Department is consolidating its embassy for the Vatican with the one for Italy because they are both in Rome and someone at some point realized how incredibly freaking stupid it is to have a dedicated embassy to a pretend nation state ruled by a theocratic "girls not allowed" club of boys in costumes.
And so we get to a new edition of
SPOT THE POE!
Thanks to the ever crazy radicals over at Free Republic I offer up the following quotes regarding this embassy move which they blame on Obama himself. Some are real and some are fictional.
See if you differentiate real crazy from the fake ones.
1) "Satans minion just doing what minions do"
2) "The Clown hates: Christianity, the Constitution, and (free market) Capitalism."
3) "In ways of evil and destruction, I think Obama is extremely bright. After all, look at the damage he has done to the greatest country in the world...he has brought us to our knees militarily, economically, and diplomatically without firing a single shot at us."
4) "How much more does he need to do in his attempt to destroy America and Christianity before people see him for what he is and rise up and fight for the side of goodness and God?"
5) "I have said this many times before all across the web. Obama is an anti-Christ he works for Satan. He is evil to his festering core. Everything he does is against God and his word. Obama knows exactly what he is doing. He is a Moslem. All those who cannot understand why he behaves the way he does will not wrap their heads around these eternal facts. Christians know the end times are here and evil will get alot worse, Obama is a major part of this process."
6) "Obama’s relationship to the United States often reminds me of an abusive husband whose contempt for his wife displays itself in a long string of exquisitely petty meanness, hatred for who she is and determination to destroy her."
7) "The next 3 years are going to be absolutely horrendous as obozo goes full scorched earth. We will never recover from the damage he will inflict in the next 3 years. Never"
8) "He has 3 agendas:
1. Destroy the US from within.
2. Empower and spread radical Islam.
3. Play golf.
He’s a foreign enemy agent in the nations highest office, everyone in Washington knows it but nobody’s got the balls to do anything about it, to start impeachment proceedings so he keeps on following his agenda religiously. And just think: We have THREE more years of this!"
Did you make your guess?
It was the fourth one. That was it. All the rest are freaking real.
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