Now that America has become a socialist dystopia where you can no longer dump your industrial waste in rivers, work children to death in coal mines or lace your patent medicine with lots of arsenic there is the need now more than ever for a safe abode for "True Patriotic Americans" to live out the ideals of freedom and liberty the founding fathers bestowed upon us.
And so I now lay out my plans for The Democratic Paradise of Freedom and Tolerance hereafter referred to as the DPFT.
I'm interested in this idea, Owen Astrakhan, but where will it be located?
In Idaho right between the white power compound, Aryanville, and the new Christian militia Bible law community, Leviticusberg.
What will the core values of your community be?
Our core values will center around freedom, individual liberty, Bible based family values, the sanctity of guns and worshiping the Founding Fathers.
"Tolerance" is in the name of your shining city on a hill so who will you be tolerant to?
We will be tolerant towards and gladly welcome in those that have been persecuted by the progressives, Bible haters, liberals and multi-cultural advocates. So if your own community frowns on you beating up gay guys or trying to exterminate people of other religions we will open our arms to you just like Jesus would.
Will DPFT be safe and secure?
Oh you bet it will be. The entire town will be surrounded by a stone wall with parapets and turret towers. Inside of that will be a moat. Inside of that will be a mine field. Inside of that will be an electric fence.
It almost sounds like the defensive works will actually work better at keeping people locked in.
Yeah, you are right. Funny that.
So how will the economy work?
DPFT is being established to illustrate the failure and moral vacuum of centrally planned economies that exist in socialism and Marxism. Jesus wants free market capitalism so that is what we will have.
To accomplish this and best ensure that all our resources are being used most efficiently we will have an economic planning office in the center of the town that will set quotas for production from the rifle factories, ammunition factories, handgun factories, gun accessory factory and maybe a few gardens to supply food and stuff. In order to obtain food residents will put in a requisition form with the planning office which will deliberate and make a determination as to the soundness and necessity of the form. If it is approved it will be transferred to the Traditional Council which will pray to God and ask for spiritual insight into the request. If they feel God would approve then the food will be delivered the following Tuesday.
If someone wishes to purchase other items they can use Astrakhan Dollars.
What are Astrakhan Dollars?
Well when you enter the compound you will turn over yourslave US dollars and get Astrakhan Dollars. $1.75 of US dollars will get you 1 Astrakhan Dollar.
So how will government work in DPFT?
Well, in keeping with the core idea of freedom we will allow anyone to participate, except women because the Bible says they can't. But anyone else is free to come to the council meetings where they are absolutely free to come up on to the speaking box to voice any idea they want. If I like their idea it becomes law. If I don't like what they say I hit a button that activates a capacitor that charges a grid under their feet and they explode from a super charge of 150,000 volts that leaves behind only a pile of fleshy goo.
Anyone is allowed to voice their ideas and be judged?
Yep, anyone except women, and people of the wrong color skin. Again, that's from the Bible. But anyone else is allowed to risk becoming a pile of fleshy remains.
Will there be schools in DPFT
Well the problem with knowledge is it is incapacitating. For example you ask me what we should do with the nation of Chad and I instinctively say, "we bomb them."
Quick. Concise. Done.
But then you start telling me that the problem with the nation isn't that they are attacking us but that there is a huge famine there being exacerbated by a collection of disparate warlords. Now my extemporaneous order seems like it will not only fail to accomplish anything good but maybe kills a lot of innocent people. Now I actually have to think about what to do to solve a problem I previously didn't even know existed. At least when I was just impulsively ordering the bombers in the air I was getting something done and that is way more important than actually achieving anything with said actions.
With that in mind there will be no schools. The children of DPFT will not be burdened with knowledge. They will be deciders. Quick to action. With no remorse over what their decisions did to the situation they cannot possibly comprehend.
Okay, what about libraries?
Oh there will be a great library where you can choose from books on how awesome the Founding Fathers were. Books that attack anyone that dares insult the Founding Fathers. Both a regular print and large print King James Bible. Books on the greatness of Ronald Reagan. Books on guns. Books on the evil of liberals, progressivism and that whole civil rights mess. Also: Fifty Shades of Gray.
What about WIFI?
Oh we will have a state of the art wireless internet connection. And our filters will allow you to visit both our town webpage and my own personal wiki; Astrakhanedia. There you can read articles on how awesome I am, how evil all opposing viewpoints are and how you really should just surrender all decisions to me so that you can be properly free to do whatever you want....unless I say not to.
So what would a typical day in DPFT be like?
Well at precisely 5:45AM everyone will wake and gather in the mess hall to eat a hearty meal of gruel and pork trimmings while I sit in a throne and devour as much bacon as possible. Then people will either proceed to the factories or farms. They will read, once there, my quota for production for the day.
After a good hard Christian type day of work they will come back to the town square to pray to a statue of Thomas Jefferson forcing himself on a slave woman and run drills so we will always be prepared for attack by Hippies in blimps.
Can anyone leave at any time?
Of course. We are all about freedom in this town. Anyone that wants to leave is allowed to try and traverse the mine field of trial & judgement. If they make it to the other side in one piece our snipers will take them out with a shot to the head. Absolutely anyone is allowed to this at any time. Except women, people of the wrong color skin and maybe the gays. Again the Bible says so.
Wow, I so want to join. How can I get on board?
An essay on how patriotic you are with an accompanying photograph of your wife and daughter will suffice. Oh all the woman are required to become my wives. I probably should have mentioned that earlier.
And so I now lay out my plans for The Democratic Paradise of Freedom and Tolerance hereafter referred to as the DPFT.
I'm interested in this idea, Owen Astrakhan, but where will it be located?
In Idaho right between the white power compound, Aryanville, and the new Christian militia Bible law community, Leviticusberg.
What will the core values of your community be?
Our core values will center around freedom, individual liberty, Bible based family values, the sanctity of guns and worshiping the Founding Fathers.
"Tolerance" is in the name of your shining city on a hill so who will you be tolerant to?
We will be tolerant towards and gladly welcome in those that have been persecuted by the progressives, Bible haters, liberals and multi-cultural advocates. So if your own community frowns on you beating up gay guys or trying to exterminate people of other religions we will open our arms to you just like Jesus would.
Will DPFT be safe and secure?
Oh you bet it will be. The entire town will be surrounded by a stone wall with parapets and turret towers. Inside of that will be a moat. Inside of that will be a mine field. Inside of that will be an electric fence.
It almost sounds like the defensive works will actually work better at keeping people locked in.
Yeah, you are right. Funny that.
So how will the economy work?
A 100% Turnip Economy.
DPFT is being established to illustrate the failure and moral vacuum of centrally planned economies that exist in socialism and Marxism. Jesus wants free market capitalism so that is what we will have.
To accomplish this and best ensure that all our resources are being used most efficiently we will have an economic planning office in the center of the town that will set quotas for production from the rifle factories, ammunition factories, handgun factories, gun accessory factory and maybe a few gardens to supply food and stuff. In order to obtain food residents will put in a requisition form with the planning office which will deliberate and make a determination as to the soundness and necessity of the form. If it is approved it will be transferred to the Traditional Council which will pray to God and ask for spiritual insight into the request. If they feel God would approve then the food will be delivered the following Tuesday.
If someone wishes to purchase other items they can use Astrakhan Dollars.
What are Astrakhan Dollars?
Well when you enter the compound you will turn over your
So how will government work in DPFT?
Well, in keeping with the core idea of freedom we will allow anyone to participate, except women because the Bible says they can't. But anyone else is free to come to the council meetings where they are absolutely free to come up on to the speaking box to voice any idea they want. If I like their idea it becomes law. If I don't like what they say I hit a button that activates a capacitor that charges a grid under their feet and they explode from a super charge of 150,000 volts that leaves behind only a pile of fleshy goo.
Anyone is allowed to voice their ideas and be judged?
Yep, anyone except women, and people of the wrong color skin. Again, that's from the Bible. But anyone else is allowed to risk becoming a pile of fleshy remains.
Will there be schools in DPFT
Well the problem with knowledge is it is incapacitating. For example you ask me what we should do with the nation of Chad and I instinctively say, "we bomb them."
Quick. Concise. Done.
But then you start telling me that the problem with the nation isn't that they are attacking us but that there is a huge famine there being exacerbated by a collection of disparate warlords. Now my extemporaneous order seems like it will not only fail to accomplish anything good but maybe kills a lot of innocent people. Now I actually have to think about what to do to solve a problem I previously didn't even know existed. At least when I was just impulsively ordering the bombers in the air I was getting something done and that is way more important than actually achieving anything with said actions.
With that in mind there will be no schools. The children of DPFT will not be burdened with knowledge. They will be deciders. Quick to action. With no remorse over what their decisions did to the situation they cannot possibly comprehend.
Okay, what about libraries?
Oh there will be a great library where you can choose from books on how awesome the Founding Fathers were. Books that attack anyone that dares insult the Founding Fathers. Both a regular print and large print King James Bible. Books on the greatness of Ronald Reagan. Books on guns. Books on the evil of liberals, progressivism and that whole civil rights mess. Also: Fifty Shades of Gray.
What about WIFI?
Oh we will have a state of the art wireless internet connection. And our filters will allow you to visit both our town webpage and my own personal wiki; Astrakhanedia. There you can read articles on how awesome I am, how evil all opposing viewpoints are and how you really should just surrender all decisions to me so that you can be properly free to do whatever you want....unless I say not to.
So what would a typical day in DPFT be like?
The personal wake up service.
Well at precisely 5:45AM everyone will wake and gather in the mess hall to eat a hearty meal of gruel and pork trimmings while I sit in a throne and devour as much bacon as possible. Then people will either proceed to the factories or farms. They will read, once there, my quota for production for the day.
After a good hard Christian type day of work they will come back to the town square to pray to a statue of Thomas Jefferson forcing himself on a slave woman and run drills so we will always be prepared for attack by Hippies in blimps.
Can anyone leave at any time?
Of course. We are all about freedom in this town. Anyone that wants to leave is allowed to try and traverse the mine field of trial & judgement. If they make it to the other side in one piece our snipers will take them out with a shot to the head. Absolutely anyone is allowed to this at any time. Except women, people of the wrong color skin and maybe the gays. Again the Bible says so.
Wow, I so want to join. How can I get on board?
An essay on how patriotic you are with an accompanying photograph of your wife and daughter will suffice. Oh all the woman are required to become my wives. I probably should have mentioned that earlier.
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