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Monday, February 24, 2014

What if The Turner Diaries was a romantic comedy?

NBC has decided to roll out a mid season replacement shows following the conclusion of their coverage of the Olympic Winter Games. While one of the new shows, Growing Up Fisher, might not be bad (we'll see  how long the premise of a blind dad bringing up two kids can be stretched) the other show, About A Boy, is essentially about a self centered misogynist lying his way into women's beds and trying to warp the mind of a young boy (his neighbor) along the way.

And that got me thinking....what other fertile ground is there for a show?

There are already reality shows about just about everything anyone who lives in the country or New Jersey has ever done. And sitcoms about quirky people are a dime a dozen.

But....then I got to thinking about a giant neglected demographic: violently inclined white supremacists.

Mrs Turner's Diaries

Think of this show as a little bit of How I Met Your Mother meets Friends with lots of executions, massacres and general acts of terrorism during a long race war.

It starts in the year 2099 about a hundred years after the Great Revolution. In that year the grandchildren of Earl and Martha Turner find a series of diaries kept by their grandmother that details how they met, fell in love, tried their best to raise their children. Oh and this all happens while Earl fights as a terrorist against Jews and non-whites leading to a New Era in which an Aryan Republic reigns supreme.

The pilot episode chronicles how Martha first meets up with Earl in one of the detention camps run by the Jewish human rights groups after being arrested by roving gangs of black urban men. At first Earl is a bit crusty and aloof to the interest of Martha. They make a promise to possibly meet up after they are released.

After leaving the camp system Martha tries to make her way back to the ruins of her neighborhood while attempting to avoid the roving black gangs. Along the way she meets up with men from a group called The Order who promise to protect her in exchange for her assistance in making bombs. Martha agrees but all the while wonders where her wonderful Earl is. Did he get out of the awful Jewish camps too?

Martha completes her bomb and volunteers to be the one to put it in place as the target is near where her old school once resided before the Jews and black gangs burnt it down.

The only problem is that when she gets to her bombing location there is already a bomb set up there! Oh what to do? Martha decides to disarm the device as she knows not it provenance and replaces it with her own bomb. She places her bomb then retreats to wait for it to go off. But is met with only silence. She eventually makes her way back and finds her bomb is disarmed and the old bomb restored. Again she disarms the other bomb and is trying to hook hers back up when a voice booms through the darkness wanting to know what she is doing.


Earl is shocked to find her disarming his own bomb.

Yes, he is also part of the The Order but is in another cell. How funny it is for them to be actively disarming each other's devices!

Thus ends the pilot.

It is my belief that this kind of cutting edge television would appeal to the very select but largely money lacking demographic of paranoid delusional racists who like shallow love stories. Also they tend to not actually watch television. In conclusion this is probably the most terrible idea for a TV show ever conceived not counting About A Boy.

Yechh. Yeah I watched it last night and really hated it.

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