The Sharknado List Of Awesome Stupid

Sharknado happened. It really did. A seminal event in our current pop culture exploded onto our TV screens then went away leaving us confused and laughing. Definitely laughing. If this film was deliberately made as stupid as it turned out then it marks a new brand of self aware entertainment. So let us examine this milestone in crappy TV movies with the first ever film review on this blog.

Obama admits to being black: Right wing goes nuts

On Friday President Barack Obama wandered into a White House briefing room where reporters were expecting to see the press secretary talk about the mundane ongoing happenings of the executive branch. What they got instead was a candid account from the president on how it was to grow up black in America. Shockingly it wasn't all winsome dance numbers up and down marble staircases with Shirley Temple.

The Ten Next SYFY Original Films

The premier of the Syfy original film Sharknado looms.

I should probably pause to let that sink in. It isn't everyday that one is confronted head on with the possibility of seeing sharks and a tornado in a fever dream let alone in an actual movie. Or did you think I am making this up?

If so here is the trailer.

Also here.

Got that. Sharks, from ocean, into tornado....somehow. Also it has Tara Reid because....apparently this is what her career has come to. It was this or fight homeless men in a pit for a sandwich. Or booze....she just lives off booze these days right?

In a way you have to admire it. SyFy knows they produce crap and are just going with it. I imagine their pitch meetings include a lot of talks like this: "so there's this scary thing combined with this scary thing and it happens because F**k you that's why!"

Then they break for their usual lunch of mescaline and LSD to ward off anything that approaches sanity.

In that spirit here are some suggestions from me:

Fox & Friends, Mr Rogers and a Poe's Law Moment

It is a typical day on Fox & Friends. Brian and Steve are the craven, spineless tools of corporate interests while Gretchen spews forth some of the most awful ideas to ever leave the mouth of a human like bi-pedal primate.

And then they get on the subject of Mr Rogers.

And now things are about to get real.

Drink The Tears Of Right Wing Nuts As They Go Nuts Over Supreme Court Ruling On Gay Marriage

If wanting equal rights for all makes you a bad person I say sign me up for evil. And even if I am a bad person I am nothing compared to the vile that say or write the following

Just To Clarify Something

There is currently a mass media story brewing over a murder involving an athlete. This would be Aaron Hernandez who plays the position of tight end for the New England Patriots.

Now I would just like to let foreign readers know something. As American Football might be outside of your scope of experience or interest I thought the position of tight end could use some explanation.

It really is quite simple. There is a line of demarcation between the offense and defense. This is the line of scrimmage. On the offensive side you can have seven players line up right at this line. The tight end will line up outside of a tackle.

Except when they don't. Some teams have two tight ends. When that happens and both are on the same side one has to line up behind the line of scrimmage.

Now a tight end is lined up with the offensive linemen and can perform their duties of blocking but can also run downfield as an eligible receiver. Oh yeah, there are players on the offensive side that cannot catch a pass. The tight end can.

The reason they can be both an lineman and catch passes is because they would hypothetically be one of two players on the outside lined up on the line of scrimmage who are thus eligible recievers. Why only those two players are eligible to catch passes is......I have no clue. Someone just decided it at some point.

Some teams will field as many as three tight ends at one time. One differentiates these players as tight ends by noting....beats me what they note. I'd say numbers but a tight end can have the same playing numbers as a wide receiver.

Now if they do line up in the backfield they can only move parallel to the line of scrimmage before the snap of the ball. This means one of the extra tight ends might run by the quarterback and get the ball in a hand off thus allowing the tight end to run the ball like a running back.

So, to summarize: a tight end is blocking lineman, wide receiver who might also be a running back. So really I have no idea what a tight end really is.

I hope this helped.

The Post Where I Explain My Absence

Lots of bloggers will explain their absence. Many even tell the truth when they do so.

But how many try to explain their absence while capturing as many weird Google search hits as possible?

Only Owen Astrakhan lays that down on you.