Unclogging a stuck drain with cherry bombs only works in your mind.
It is possible to get three rubber balls stuck in one tree in one afternoon.
When you discover the decomposing corpse of an opossum in your tool shed you should not send pics to family members.
A good way to lose a doctor is to always insist on nipple reconstitution as a joke.
You should not immerse a flash drive in boiling water.
Shaving off your eyebrows is pretty much always a bad idea.
Also, letting someone coming off opioids cut your hair is another bad idea.
Have a cell phone on you when you go up on your roof to clean out the gutters because if you somehow manage to knock over your only ladder you won't be stuck up there yelling helplessly to your neighbors for help.
Also, double check all containers of superglue for holes so you don't end up with one hand glued to a car and the other to a shoe.
If you have a stray kitten and don't know which house it is from don't just pick one house arbitrarily and stick the kitten there with a dish of water.
If you encounter a hyper-androgynous person don't just guess they are female and immediately proceed to ask about boyfriends.
If a friend asks you to give a folded up mash note to a girl open it up and make sure it really is a mash note and not just random notes from calculus class he mistook for his mash note.
When a guy starts taking you out to dinner don't just assume he wants good company because he might be gay and thinks you are his new boyfriend.
If you do accidentally end up on a date with a gay guy do not order the most expensive steak on the menu right before your slow mind puts two and two together and figures out what is going on.
If you do only figure out you accidentally ended up on a date with gay guy after ordering the most expensive menu item you will have to "put out" or at least offer to pay for it.
If you happen to not have any money on hand to pay for your expensive meal on this accidental date with a gay guy because you are just a broke college student and this all happens to take place at Barney's I suggest using the window above the second toilet stall to escape.
Also, if you have a friend with a father who is constantly on drugs just go with the fact that you might find things like piled up fruit in their front yard.
It is possible to get three rubber balls stuck in one tree in one afternoon.
When you discover the decomposing corpse of an opossum in your tool shed you should not send pics to family members.
A good way to lose a doctor is to always insist on nipple reconstitution as a joke.
You should not immerse a flash drive in boiling water.
Shaving off your eyebrows is pretty much always a bad idea.
Also, letting someone coming off opioids cut your hair is another bad idea.
Have a cell phone on you when you go up on your roof to clean out the gutters because if you somehow manage to knock over your only ladder you won't be stuck up there yelling helplessly to your neighbors for help.
Also, double check all containers of superglue for holes so you don't end up with one hand glued to a car and the other to a shoe.
If you have a stray kitten and don't know which house it is from don't just pick one house arbitrarily and stick the kitten there with a dish of water.
If you encounter a hyper-androgynous person don't just guess they are female and immediately proceed to ask about boyfriends.
If a friend asks you to give a folded up mash note to a girl open it up and make sure it really is a mash note and not just random notes from calculus class he mistook for his mash note.
When a guy starts taking you out to dinner don't just assume he wants good company because he might be gay and thinks you are his new boyfriend.
If you do accidentally end up on a date with a gay guy do not order the most expensive steak on the menu right before your slow mind puts two and two together and figures out what is going on.
If you do only figure out you accidentally ended up on a date with gay guy after ordering the most expensive menu item you will have to "put out" or at least offer to pay for it.
If you happen to not have any money on hand to pay for your expensive meal on this accidental date with a gay guy because you are just a broke college student and this all happens to take place at Barney's I suggest using the window above the second toilet stall to escape.
Also, if you have a friend with a father who is constantly on drugs just go with the fact that you might find things like piled up fruit in their front yard.
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