Hanging with spokesmen would be weird

Ted was relieved to see a friendly face as he walked in the door. Sarah's striking red hair was so vibrant as always.

"Goodness Ted you look beat!?" She said after scanning him up and down with her eyes.

"Today was not good. They are letting me go and my mom needs to be put in a home....and I don't really know how to break that to her." He sat down on the couch and sort of slumped into the cushions as if gravity was extra powerful today.

"Well you know Ted we could always go to Wendy's!"

Ted blinked in confusion.



"They have their ever delicious bacon cheeseburger with your choice of cheese." For some reason she had one on hand and picked it up to demonstrate to no one in particular the sandwiches properties.

"Uh, I'm not really hungry....because of the emotional trauma and stuff." Ted was getting up to use the restroom.

"Not hungry!" Another voice shouted. The voice of an older woman. "That can only mean you aren't regular enough. That's why I always use Phillips Milk of Magnesia!"

"Oh, hi Phyllis," was all Ted could really muster.

"But why would he need that when Wendy's now puts more crisp greens on their sandwiches than ever? They are so fresh too!" Sarah held yet another sandwich up for inspection by no one in particular.

"What he really needs," this was the deep voice of Nathan, "is to instant watch on Netflix! Now with more titles available than ever before!"

Ted wasn't even sure how Nathan had gotten into the room.

"Uh, no, that's okay, I just kind of need to be alone with my thoughts because of....you know the terrible things...in my life."

"One less terrible thing in your life would be insurance that you can name your own price on." Where the hell had Flo come from? "And Progressive Insurance continues to lead the way in this!"

"If you have insurance then you need the longest lasting most dependable pickup on the road." This was the raspy voice of Carl. "And we all know that is the Chevy Silverado."

"He could take the Progressive Insurance covered Silverado to Wendy's which now has the thickest slabs of bacon of any medium quality fast food eatery."

Ted.....was nearing his breaking point. "No, I don't want to eat....I definitely don't want soft stool, I'll watch movies on my own damned time and I already have a car with insurance on it!"

Everyone seemed shocked.

"I mean how is it that all any of you ever want to talk about is one company or product. I mean, Sarah, I don't think we've ever had a conversation where you didn't try to get me to go to Wendy's."

"But Wendy's has the most efficient drive through and all their tomatoes are now organic!"

"See! You are still doing it. How is it that you steer everything to Wendy's? Gawd. My life sucks and all the people I know can only talk about products or companies."

"Abilify is the new anti depressant of choice but should not be taken in combination with other anti depressants. It should be avoided by pregnant women. Do not taunt Abilify while it is still in capsule form. Consult with your doctor if your depression worsens or you begin to have suicidal thoughts..."

"OUT!" Ted wasn't even going to let Tammy finish her long list of disclaimers. Not this time.