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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

On What We Value As A "Right"

Somewhere in "Real America" we get a demonstration that America totally has its values on what is a "right" and a "privilege" completely straight and correct.

We start in a DMV.
DMV Worker: Hi there sir. How can I help you? Wait. Are you foaming at the mouth?

Random Twitching Dude: I need the plastic card that allows me to operate the vehicles and become the hammer of the Army Of Light and fix the tainted ones with a vehicle of death and judgement.

DMV Worker: Yeah......we aren't even going to give you the written test.




And now in a hospital.


Hospital Worker: Can I help you sir? Is that foam in your mouth?

Random Twitching Dude: I feel like I might not be able to control the orders from the basement darkness to start the Day Of The Soul Reaping for much longer. The demands on me by the Ultimate Lord are just too great to endure. Also my left hand says I might have a brain tumor. My right hand thinks it is just an aneurism.

Hospital Worker: Well I'm afraid I have to ask for your insurance information.

Random Twitching Dude: I lost that when my boss got afraid of my e-mails and said I couldn't come back anymore.

Hospital Worker: Well I guess you should have gone insane when you had more disposable cash.


And now in a gun shop.


Gun Shop Owner: Hello sir. Oh I love that color of foam in a person's mouth. How I can help you?

Random Twitching Dude: No one will help me with my mission. I must have the tools to become the sword hand of the Archangel Michael and begin The-Day-Of-The-Lesser-Fellbeast by eliminating all the impure.

Gun Shop Owner: Ha, you twitchy foaming ones always crack me up. I just want to ask if my own family will be among the victims?

Random Twitching Dude: That is not up to me. That is up to the will of the Lord as he guides me in my fight against the enemy forces of the dark place.



Gun Shop Owner: Well that is good enough for me. I've never let something like a conscience get in the way of making money before.


Random Twitching Dude: You are truly a lowly being that the Exalted One will look favorably upon when you are judged harshly in the way that so many will be.

Gun Shop Owner: Now I'm just going to ask this because those Commie Hippies made it so I have to: have you ever been hospitalized for a mental illness?

Random Twitching Dude: Actually no. They said they couldn't help me. That is why the ever present voice of the light that commands me to create the new world order is my only hope.

Gun Shop Owner: You'll have to wait ten days for the handguns (damned liberals) do you think you will still be wanting to punish the impure at that time?

Random Twitching Dude: Only if the Bright One has allowed me the grace to continue my life until that point.

Gun Shop Owner: Will that be cash, credit or debit?

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